| drink your life away as far as i care. |
[28 Feb 2005|11:18pm] |
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I noticed that lately everyone does drugs and drinks alcohol. I can stand my friends doing drugs (pills and weed) but i don’t think ill ever really get used to the alcohol issue. I mean im not one to tell someone what they can and cannot do but ive seen what it can do to peoples lives. It deteriorates their soul. And they think that their problems have gone away but really they are only blurred for the time being until after their hangover ends. Ive seen broken phones, to cracked walls, to broken dreams to streaming tears. Ive seen families ruined and friend ships ended because someone got a lil too drunk and ran their mouth. Some people say that you say stuff that you dont mean when your drunk but i don’t believe that i think you say that honest truth when your drunk. for instance...When your drunk I don’t think you really care what others think. I don’t want to be a drunken woman that stumbles into her house in the dark after returning from the bar, or the one that forgets her kids name or even the one that looks her kid in the face and said want to know the truth? You’re a lil bitch and your just a mistake. No one wants to hear that. The truth can be heard honestly and blunt when you are drunk but all your actions and words are timed 10 and the to the 5th root. It kind of sucks because i realize now that alcohol isn’t great it really isn’t. People die because of alcohol daily. Families and friendships are ruined and no one seems to care anymore. Reputations are ruined because maybe you got a little to drunk at a party and decided to be "everyone's friend";) if you get what I mean. I don’t know. I lived 17 years of my life having to see the results and consequences of alcoholism and im totally against it anymore. I feel like people drink sometimes to make themselves feel cool. its stupid but i think some people do. and i grew up fast because i didn’t have a choice in that matter. I was told this is who you are, this is what is happening around you, people are going to lie to you constantly and you can only trust yourself. And so far all that came true. I wish i wouldn’t of had to grow up so fast and that i could of been a kid longer but i couldn’t because i knew what was happening the whole time. And i couldn’t stop it. I could tell them to stop but it would do no good. I could go out of my way to understand but i couldn’t. People find me naive at points but i don’t really see myself like that at all. i feel like i grew up so fast that i missed out on everything that was fun because i was too busy. Its kind of like Thanks for stealing the only childhood i was given.
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| I tricked you back |
[23 Feb 2005|03:01pm] |
I think its funny how all these girls talk their shit and when confronted their like uh i never said that. ill tell you truthfully, honestly, and brutally i talk alot of shit. But anything i say ill stand up and go yeah i said that. It may result in me getting my ass whipped but im going to fuckin say it so fuckin listen up. I wrote a poem today many people proly wont understand or they will think i have "problems" but get over and open you big brown eyes and realize this is me
Tricked you back.
In your presence I stand with pain. Boy im ashamed to even know your name. Your gossip, your lies, your false and fake pride. You make me wanna scream why are you here in this unexspecting way. You make me want to scream "Stop being so gay!" I dont like you, I dont want to be with you. I just hope you know what youve done because tonight im going to take this gun and wish you a good night. Blow away your tears, detearirate your fears. With this metal messiah I hold in my hands, Arms out straight, trigger happy in deed. I laught at you while you lay their and plead. As the tears run down your face a grin arrives while i pull it in. Click. Nothing. Click. Yet again. I place it above the ear and pull it in. Bang! Blood drips down my face and onto my now cherry red lips which you lean into give one last kiss. Kiss of death, it was felt. Like in many ways our hands are held. With this last feeling my body grows limp. The pain is piercing so yes i cringe. In a few days i awake to church bell rings, people crying, i can hear them sing. A red carpet led to a black chest in the middle of the aisle. Inside it was a girl i knew. It was me, I felt confused. Then i realized dreams come true. Heaven was waiting for me this sunny afternoon. The kids at the school heard reports of my death. They wished they had known what was going on in my head. What was i thinking? What adrove me to this? WIll i miss them I dont want to be them so they can kiss my crimson lips good bye. Because the place where i am now. I will always feel high.
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| Im ready to admit i love/loved you |
[08 Feb 2005|06:44pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Law and Order. |
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 he was pretending to be ghetto in this picture. Theres alot better pictures of him but i dont know where i put them. We watched the fire works together last 4th of july, we used to go to the beach, jet skiing, hanging out, watching movies, piggy back rides, the endless jokes, everything remind me of him. God we were perfect together but i had to go and get scared cuz i was being to love him and i couldnt tell him that and now its too late so im here to let everyone know the truth is out. I do love you Anthony.
I wrote a letter about him that i want to give to him, but i wont. I know i wont. But yeah.
I also wrote this poem about him.
Looking back on the times. The times i cried, the times i wanted to lay down and die. The times i wished you well but didnt hope for you to have the best. because boy your the best. way better then the rest. And i want you to be mine. I compare everyone to you. Your strong arms, your blue eyes, makes me want to make you mine. I was so happy when it was me and you, but i got scared and ran from you. Now im ready to step back up to the plate, but your running the bases. You hit a fly ball to the north wall while i myself am sitting on the bench waiting for you to recieve a foul call. We never fought, we hugged, we laughed. We kissed. Their was no bad blood between the two of us. You were perfect but now your gone. ANd im lonely and just trying to full in the deep dark hole. Which the love i had for you filled. 6 months and some days. Ill always miss you in every single way.
( I love you. )
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| This is public so my friends can put can shit. |
[02 Feb 2005|03:41pm] |
what would you do if:
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:
» Family:
and then this one...
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you adore me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?
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| STOP! |
[20 Jan 2005|11:17pm] |
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FRIENDS ONLY!
Welcome to the viewing of my PRIVATE SHOW
Its me. Im the one known to many as Bethany but most commonly Slim. Some make think im "prude" but that only because they dont know the kind of shit i do. They dont know the kind of shit i get into. I may not always say the right thing at the right time but i say what i fuckin feel. Wondering why you see this but you dont see any of my entries? I decided i wanted to keep this a private show. Dislike me or like me, strap in for a ride and take me as i am.
17 Fiesty Female, Ohio
Twirls Flag
No Bullshit Kind of Girl
Brutally Truthful
Funny
sort of-Single
_§lim_
Add me and COMMENT and ill add you back
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